OOPS! (Originally titled: Some Progress)

2011 Sept 1

Last night I lost the post I had written. One of those weird computer glitches or normal human error, who knows? Probably human error, since it was the end of the day and that is more likely. Anyway, now I will attempt to remember all I wrote last night. It was a positive post, with a glimmer of insight for me. Here goes ...

The final day of August was a good one, as was the previous day. One by one, things are being accomplished.

On Tuesday my brother Dave came over to help with some items that needed to go to our sister Janet's house. First we took a heavy dresser and a console table. Since Janet was at work, we were responsible for loading, unloading and all the lugging involved. I am not as young as I used to be, out of shape, tire and sweat easily. The same can probably be said of Dave. When we left my house, the intention was to deliver these items, return home and take another dresser to her house. With this in mind, I mentioned to Raymond that it would be helpful if he could empty his dresser, but I didn't really expect him to pay any attention to my suggestion. Dave and I were sweaty and a little tired when we returned from Janet's, deciding we'd move the second dresser on Thursday when Janet was off and could assist. Imagine our surprise when we found the drawers to R's dresser in the upstairs hallway! So, another load, deliver and unload took place. Since R is on the disabled list, he did things that didn't require lots of lifting, like removing mirrors.

When we returned to the house after the second trip, Dave and I were tuckered out! As we sat drinking our iced tea and trying to recuperate, I mentioned that the last thing we needed to move was R's three orange crates of LPs. Poor Dave was flabbergasted! He had assumed we were done for the day. But since I was going to be driving Dave home and since the record albums are intended to live at the house where he lives, I was attempting to consolidate trips. This is where R flabbergasted me; he said, "I can probably get rid of a lot of those albums, if I go through them." I was speechless. Dave was grateful for the reprieve; albums are HEAVY! The reason R's announcement was so surprising is that I have been asking him (OK, maybe nagging him) for eight months to do something with all his vinyl.

Wednesday started with an early appointment, followed by stops at Target and Trader Horn for a few small needed items. When I got home, I hit the basement, while R went upstairs to sort through his albums. I managed to do a load of laundry while stuffing a couple of contractor's trash bags with stinky basement stuff. And I bagged a couple of quilts to be taken to the laundromat, since they are too large for our washer and dryer. R managed to make one "keep" crate of records and two "get rid of" crates of LPs. I am so proud of him! The keeps will live in my brother Vinny's basement for now.

One of the things I bought at Target was bubble wrap. One of the reasons I needed it was to safely encase my favorite statue, given to me for Christmas several years ago by my youngest brother, Jimmy. The statue is of a yellow Lab, rolled on his back with his hind legs akimbo, a stick in his mouth, with joy and determination on his face. We call the statue, "Bax" because it so resembles the rescued yellow Lab, Baxter, who brought us love and gratitude for the six years we lived with him. "Bax" sat on an eye-level shelf of the bookcase in our living room. I smiled every time I looked at it. Not simply because it brought back memories of a sweet, eighty pound cuddle-bug, but also because it was a most thoughtful gift from my baby brother. Jimmy has given me other thoughtful gifts, but this one brought tears to my eyes the day I received it. However, a motor home is no place for a statue with delicate, projecting limbs, so "Bax" will also live at Vinny's for now, along with a few other Lab statues that hold a special places in my heart.

The bookcases will have a new home with my friend and niece, Jennifer. They will provide a sturdy place for her children's books. That makes me glad. Our books must be removed from the bookcases today and they too, for the most part will find new homes. There is another bookcase in R's office, but he isn't ready to deal with it yet. I'm OK with that now. The situation with the albums showed me that if left to his own timetable, R, too can let things go. He simply takes a different path.

Our dining room table and chairs have found a new home, too, and may be moving this weekend, or at least, very soon. I loved that dining set when I got it. Granted they weren't the exact craftsman replica I coveted, but I envisioned big, holiday, family dinners around it. OK, so those big dinners never happened. There were some small dinners with some family and with friends. Now, it's time for the table with two leaves and six chairs to provide a space for some other family's dinners, crafts and games.

Some things are easier to give up than others. Raymond is having trouble giving up his books, just as he had trouble with his records. I am looking at it as an opportunity to buy a Nook. While there are only a few books I plan to bring with me, I love to read and usually borrow my reading materials from my local library. After a conversation with my favorite librarians at our local Wood's Run Library, I like the idea of being able to download ebooks from the library, which can be done as long as we have a local address of record. R is less enamored with tech gadgets, but I'm thinking that in time, he'll come around to eReaders. It took months, but he uses his laptop all the time, now and he loves his iPod.

So, today, I'm thinking a trip to the laundromat, bill paying, checkbook balancing and maybe, lunch with my sister. I feel that we're making slow and steady progress toward the goal. What I finally realize is that although the goal is held in common, R needs to take a different path than I do. We're not on separate paths, so much as adjoining ones. What is simple and easy for one is not necessarily easy or simple for the other. The ultimate goal is the same for both of us, so I'm just taking a deep breath and trusting that we'll get there, each in his/her own time.

INERTIA

2011 Aug 25

Our plan is to get on the road, in our RV, on or around, November 7. That is just a little over 10 weeks away! Yet, here I sit, on the love seat, with my laptop open, while there is still so much to be accomplished. What in the world is wrong with me?

Yes, some things have been sold. There are items earmarked for folks that I need to deliver to them or that they need to arrange pick up for. Some things can't be given away until they are no longer needed, for example: our bed, love seat, recliner, stove and refrigerator. Yet there are many items lingering that could be gone. Lamps! We have more lamps than you can imagine. Christmas decorations! Dining room table and chairs, bookcases. Why are these things still here? Why haven't I delivered the two dressers and kitchen rack to my sister, along with the computer? Why am I sitting here typing instead of clearing and cleaning the sun porch or the basement?

Yes, I am lazy, that's a given. But it seems like it goes beyond simple laziness. Each night I head off to bed, determined that I will awake in the AM and make a dent in our crap. Yet, each morning, I arise feeling sluggish and unmotivated. I am like that road to hell. The one that's paved with good intentions.

Non-accomplishment does nothing for my self esteem. In fact, it can open the door to a downward depressive cycle. Maybe that's why I'm blogging about it. The need to face off with these feelings before they begin to run the show. Been there and done that! Do NOT wish to repeat those behaviors.

Add to the equation the fact that Raymond is currently unable to help lug, carry and move things. He sees the Ortho doc right after Labor Day. But even if he is making as miraculous a recovery as he keeps claiming, I don't see Raymond being able to carry boxes or help with the clean out until sometime after mid to late September. There is also the issue of what we each view as essential to have done before calling a real estate agent. This is an area where we are miles apart.

In my scenario, we get rid of all but the MOST essential things (see earlier portion of post). Then we begin a rigid cleaning, scrubbing, deodorizing and disinfecting campaign, which may include taking up the very old carpet from the first floor. We do not (on this we DO agree) plan to do any major work in the house. The plan has been and continues to be, to sell it, "as is". The fly in the ointment seems to be defining what we each consider to be "major" and "as is". For me it is doing the above stated cleaning, etc, along with finishing some half finished projects. For instance, there is a kitchen counter lying up against the wall in the hallway, which I think needs to be installed. There is a partially laid floor in the bathroom that needs to be finished. And I little painting in the kitchen, as well. For Raymond it is doing nothing! No, I'm not kidding; he actually said, "Well, we're selling it as is, who cares? It's not our problem, it's the problem of whoever buys the house." That was his response when I said that we would really need to do some major cleaning.

So there you have it. the summary of why I'm feeling overwhelmed and under-motivated.

In the middle of feeling all this chaos yesterday, both physically and emotionally, I sent a message to a local Facebook friend. She is a professional organizer. She was at one time, one of the owners of a local resale shop. So, I messaged her, explaining my dilemma and asking whether she was still involved with the resale store and also whether she could help me. My thinking being that if Raymond hears something from an outside third party, it may be more readily taken in than if it were just coming from me. We'll see. I haven't heard from Melanie yet . I do hope I hear from her soon.

In the meantime, I think I'll take a trash bag into the sun porch... Doing something, anything, has got to be more productive than worrying about what I haven't done yet.