OVERLOAD

2011 August 27

Emotions at the moment red-lining for me.

This week included an earthquake rumbling, a personal moment of panic at the realization that we are about 10 weeks from our planned departure date, watching the coverage on Hurricane Irene and the straw threatening to break this camel's back, gunshots today, again in the alley next to our house.

I have been in a sort of frozen emotional state for awhile. I shared this with a couple of friends who have been in similar situations and they have assured me that eventually I will cry again. I am close right now, but afraid to really "let go", because I need to be strong and get through this life change first.

For those who don't know, we plan to hit the road in our new RV in early November and travel this marvelous area known as North America. We plan to put the house up for sale before we leave. There is still a lot to be done. And my dear husband is recuperating with a ruptured Achilles tendon, so he can't do much at the moment. Preparing for a huge life change can be stressful. And as an overly emotional individual, I have been keeping myself wrapped up pretty tightly to avoid unnecessary meltdowns. The result is, though I tear up and feel sad occasionally, I haven't actually cried in at least 2 months.

This afternoon, 11 or 12 shots rang out in the alley next to our house. I heard people running. I went into our sun porch to look out to see if I could tell what was happening. (The alley ends right along side our house when it intersects with our front street.) What I saw was a family, Mom and a few kids, one of whom was hunkered down wearing his Sponge Bob backpack. This little guy looked to be maybe 9 or 10. He was peering around the brick building across the alley from our house. As I watched, he jumped up and started to run back down the alley in the direction from which he had just come. His Mom, had a child in a stroller and maybe another kid, too. There may have been another woman with another child across the street, too, according to my husband. My impression was that the kid was watching for the shooter and had backtracked because the shooter was now at the Woodland Avenue intersection close to our end of the alley, instead of the opposite intersection, McDowell St, from where we originally heard the shots.

I went to the other room to call 911, which is why I didn't notice the family directly across the street from our house, on the other side of Stayton St. While I was on hold with 911 (ON HOLD! Can you believe it?) I began to shake a little. To be fair, I was only on hold for about 25 seconds, but still! The 911 operator took all the information I could supply, asked appropriate questions and said responders would be sent. Shortly afterward, we heard the police presence driving along all the streets we had mentioned.

I have no idea what happened, either before or after this shooting. What I do know is that the tight wrap I've had on myself is starting to fray. Although I am no longer shaking physically, I am shaking emotionally. As I type, I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I'm not ready to let them fall yet, though. What if I start to cry and can't stop?

Continuing Urban Adventures

Perhaps urban living is becoming too much of an adventure. This past weekend shots were fired just outside our house.  Nobody was injured - this time!  I heard one of the responding police officers refer to it as "like the shoot out at the OK Corral".  The people involved are, by general standards, kids.  I am not certain of their ages, but it is safe to say they are under 25, and maybe a good deal under.

It is a frightening experience to hear young people arguing outside your open window and threaten one another. It becomes frightening on an entirely different level when, after the threat, you hear several gunshots in rapid succession.   

My neighbor's car was hit by one of the gunshots. Another hit the garage of the business next door to her.  This woman is a quiet neighbor with little kids who, thankfully,  were not at home when the incident took place.  If they had been, innocent children may have been wounded or killed because her kids are often playing in front of their house, or riding their bikes in the area that was the line of fire.

I am not scared; I am angry and astounded at these latest events.  When did  it become the norm for arguments to be settled  with guns?  I heard these kids outside my window yelling at one another. Much of their conversation was unintelligible to me.  But, it certainly didn't sound like the kind of fight that would lead to shots being fired. To be honest, it sounded like the kind of thing that might end up with a punch or two being thrown. The last quote I heard before the gunfire was, "Come on, _____, don't make me hurt you."  It never entered my mind that this kid planned to "hurt" the other with a gun!  That's the part that astonishes me.

The part that makes me angry is that they have guns at all!  How easy is it for a young person to get a gun?  Apparently very easy!  And how is it possible to have so little regard for life that an argument escalates to gun violence?  I am angry that people no longer feel safe to sit on their front porches. I am angry that the Mom little kids across the street will think twice before allowing her kids to play in front of their own house now.  I am angry that  this is happening and that we all feel ill equipped to deal with it, because it is so far outside of our experience.