Saturday, July 3, 2010

One step at a time

One step forward, two steps back, as the song says, "you never get anywhere like that".  That's the way I'm feeling right now.  

We have been planning for the future.  We have set dates by which we would like to be on the road, full timing in an RV.  We thought we had finally made a choice as to the type of RV and an approximate idea as to our budget. Then, we read some more articles and ordered more books.  Now we're back at the question of Class A or Class C? 

More storage in a Class A?  But if we get rid of our stuff, will we really need extra storage space? 

The idea of the bed over the cab in the Class C is appealing to both of us.  It seems like the perfect "extra" space where one or the other of us can get away to read quietly or listen to their iPod.  

Perhaps I'm being too rigid in my thinking. Perhaps I need to relax a little and stop being so focused on making the 'correct' choices.  I spent nine years in therapy trying to undo a lifetime of black or white thinking and sometimes it seems as if I learned very little in those nine years! 

Some of the current angst is brought on by an ad in our local Craigslist.  It is a 31', 2001 Class C with 40000 miles, being offered for a very reasonable price. My panic is being caused by 1) my fear that we will miss the RV that is meant for us and by my inability to act and 2) my worry that we will love it, but will be unable to secure the required financing. Fear and worry the two biggest bugaboos to my decision making process! How I wish I were one of those spontaneous folks who just go with the flow and make adjustment as they go. 

So why am I so locked into the mindset that every choice has to be the right one?  Why not call Mr Angelo, make an appointment to go see and drive the local RV?  One step at a time ... If it seems correct for us, then the next step will be to visit our bank ... Maybe by seeing and driving this Class C we'll also know whether a class C is right for us. 

OK, I think I'm feeling a little step at a time.


Raymond isn't feeling well.  He hasn't eaten or had any beer all day.  Normally his having consumed no beer would be a good thing, if only it didn't indicate that he's feeling physically unwell.  He has a strange eating schedule when times are good, but the fact that he had no desire to eat at dinner time was odd. That's when he brought it to my attention that not only hadn't he eaten all day, but he hadn't had any beer either.  This is extremely out of character. 

Only one thing makes Raymond stop drinking and that one thing is a bout of pancreatitis.

He hasn't had one in over two years. Maybe this is a reality check.  We have both stopped thinking about his pancreas. Well, I have anyway. 

The fact is that according to our PCP, Raymond should not drink at all and should give up slathering his food with mayo and should NEVER eat another hot dog. Raymond continues to do all those things.  The man has never met a fatty meat that he didn't like!  And for the past two years, his pancreas has gone along with the program. 

I'm a little bit worried.  I haven't suggested an ER trip yet.  

During the last bout, the ER visit was an incredible waste of time.  Apparently his body has become so adept at adjusting for the irregularities in these times, that his blood work appeared relatively normal and the ER doctor wouldn't admit him or prescribe any intensive pain relievers.  Our PCP had predicted that this would happen over time. We are blessed that she knows Raymond so well, because she gave him a prescription for a few major painkillers knowing that he would only take them as needed.  Those pills got him through his last attack two years ago.  Between several days on a bland diet and the pain pills, he made it without having to be hospitalized.

He just took 1/2 of one of those two year old painkillers.  It's his last one.  Here's praying it works.