Having been at home on vacation for the past ten days gave me a lot to think about. My big plans included starting to purge unnecessary items from our home in preparation for our planned lifestyle changes next autumn. Best laid plans and all that... It was in the 90s, our house is not air conditioned. Those two facts lead to a lot of book reading & computer playing in the only room with AC, our bedroom. Not accomplishing my goal for the week sent me into a minor depression, complete with feelings of unworthiness and inferiority.
Then we got a reprieve from the scorching temperatures. So far I have made a small dent in the plan to rid ourselves of unneeded stuff and new homes have been found for many, already.
Depression, lifted. Self esteem, improved. Self worth, in the positive column.
Add to that, the fact that I spoke with my employer yesterday and also with one of my little charges. Until I had that telephone interaction with them, I had allowed my depressed brain to tell me that I wasn't important to them and that they probably didn't miss me, or even like me. After talking with them, all those negative thoughts evaporated as if they had never been. I was looking forward to going to work and looking forward to spending time with Nicky and Anamaria. I even began wondering, once again, how I will leave them next Fall, when Raymond and I start our adventure.
The lessons I am learning from this experience are ones I probably should have 'gotten' a long time ago. But, as they say, "Better late, than never." I'm learning to be easier on myself. I'm learning that I do need a connection to people. I'm learning to be flexible in my plans. I'm learning that spending time editing photos can count as work, as much as cleaning the attic. And I'm learning that sometimes I need to pick up the phone, no matter my aversion to it.
Brings to mind something Larry Osley, my twelfth grade American Democracy teacher told me, "You're a late bloomer". Bet he didn't think I'd be this late!