Saturday, August 27, 2011


2011 August 27
Emotions at the moment red-lining for me.
This week included an earthquake rumbling, a personal moment of panic at the realization that we are about 10 weeks from our planned departure date, watching the coverage on Hurricane Irene and the straw threatening to break this camel's back, gunshots today, again in the alley next to our house.
I have been in a sort of frozen emotional state for awhile. I shared this with a couple of friends who have been in similar situations and they have assured me that eventually I will cry again. I am close right now, but afraid to really "let go", because I need to be strong and get through this life change first.
For those who don't know, we plan to hit the road in our new RV in early November and travel this marvelous area known as North America. We plan to put the house up for sale before we leave. There is still a lot to be done. And my dear husband is recuperating with a ruptured Achilles tendon, so he can't do much at the moment. Preparing for a huge life change can be stressful. And as an overly emotional individual, I have been keeping myself wrapped up pretty tightly to avoid unnecessary meltdowns. The result is, though I tear up and feel sad occasionally, I haven't actually cried in at least 2 months.
This afternoon, 11 or 12 shots rang out in the alley next to our house. I heard people running. I went into our sun porch to look out to see if I could tell what was happening. (The alley ends right along side our house when it intersects with our front street.) What I saw was a family, Mom and a few kids, one of whom was hunkered down wearing his Sponge Bob backpack. This little guy looked to be maybe 9 or 10. He was peering around the brick building across the alley from our house. As I watched, he jumped up and started to run back down the alley in the direction from which he had just come. His Mom, had a child in a stroller and maybe another kid, too. There may have been another woman with another child across the street, too, according to my husband. My impression was that the kid was watching for the shooter and had backtracked because the shooter was now at the Woodland Avenue intersection close to our end of the alley, instead of the opposite intersection, McDowell St, from where we originally heard the shots.
I went to the other room to call 911, which is why I didn't notice the family directly across the street from our house, on the other side of Stayton St. While I was on hold with 911 (ON HOLD! Can you believe it?) I began to shake a little. To be fair, I was only on hold for about 25 seconds, but still! The 911 operator took all the information I could supply, asked appropriate questions and said responders would be sent. Shortly afterward, we heard the police presence driving along all the streets we had mentioned.
I have no idea what happened, either before or after this shooting. What I do know is that the tight wrap I've had on myself is starting to fray. Although I am no longer shaking physically, I am shaking emotionally. As I type, I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I'm not ready to let them fall yet, though. What if I start to cry and can't stop?


  1. It takes a lot of work to hold back strong emotions (doesn't it give you a headache?)...perhaps a good cry (for as long as it takes) would be better than worse. (I think crying is like're not pregnant forever and you can't cry forever.) :-) I'll be praying for you.

  2. Oh that is SO sad, what a scary situation!!!!

    You can totally let the cork off of those tears! Open the bottle and let them out! You WILL stop, but, I think you need that release, to let go of all that emotion and then you will get a huge burst of energy to clear up what you need to in order to get on the road and feel the excitement of what's to come!

    BTW, I also think there's a middle ground with regards to the house and the as-is opinions. I think maybe some of those things can be done and others won't make that big of a difference in the end, kwim?

    Love you and will I see you at my mom's tomorrow!?


  3. I faced a time in my life where I was so afraid to let it out...because I afraid I would never get it back together again. I talked with a good friend and my pastor and made a plan on how I could let it all out and know that they would not let me fall totally apart. With their help, lots of prayer and many tears shed I let it out - the best thing for me. If you ever need to talk send me an email and I would be happy to call you, pray with and for you. You are not alone!!

  4. What the hey? This happens often or...? That's really scary. I really would not have gone outside... O.o

    You're at a point where you're completely unsettled. You're about to give up your home and the life you know for a new one. For every new beginning, there is an ending we must grieve also. You'll figure it out and be all the more strong for it.

    And just out of curiosity, why are you only putting the house up later? I'd do it now so you're more likely to avoid delays... You can always make promises to finish things if prospective buyers need that kind of thing.